


Home Is Wherever You Are

by BerenaBrokeMyHeart



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-08-13 03:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20167429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerenaBrokeMyHeart/pseuds/BerenaBrokeMyHeart
Summary: Just a little fix it fic. I'm sorely out of practice so I hope it's ok...





	1. Chapter 1

When Cam gets to the cottage, he’s surprised to see smoke billowing from the chimney. He cautiously unlocks the front door and calls out to announce his presence.

“Hello? Is someone here? I’m calling the police...” he takes out his mobile and starts to punch in 999 when the intruder responds.

“Easy, Cam. It’s only me.” A voice calls out to him from somewhere near the kitchen. It sounded like.... It couldn’t be, it wasn’t possible....

“Mum?” Cam's voice catches in his throat. He must have imagined Bernie’s voice from all the summers spent here as a child.

“Who else were you expecting?” Bernie’s teasing answer is thick with her ridiculous laugh. “You know your father hated this place, that’s why I got it in the settlement.” She comes through the kitchen door and out to the hall, coming face to face with her son.

“You... you’re... you can’t be.... they told us you were dead. Alex told us you were dead.” His mother’s outline blurs in front of him as tears start to well up in his eyes.

“Alex?” Bernie hadn’t heard that name for what felt like a lifetime. “How would she –“

“The bomb. At the airport hospital. The army came, said you were missing in action. Then she turned up and said they’d found your body armour and you hadn’t survived. We had a funeral. A memorial service at the hospital. Everyone....” he gasps in a shaky breath “...thinks you’re dead.”

“Oh my sweet boy, I had no idea.” Bernie rushes at her first born and surrounds him with a crushing bear hug.

“You’re here.” Cam loses it as he feels his mum’s arms engulf him.

“I am.” Bernie whispers in his ear and holds him as his sobs fill the space.

“But how?” Cam pulls back to look at her.

“There was a bomb. I’d given my body armour to a civilian funder who wanted to invest in better facilities. It’s protocol for everyone to wear them, but there hadn’t been enough money to supply spares for any visitors. When the blast happened, I was injured...” Bernie ruffles her son’s hair and, seeing the worry cloud his features, quickly adds “...not badly. Well, not as badly as I could have been. I’d got trapped under some of the debris, they didn’t find me straight away. I suppose that’s when they told you I was MIA. I was unconscious for a few days, but no lasting damage. I requested that they send word that I was hurt but ok as soon as I came round. It seems that you never got it though. If I’d realized you had no news, I would have tried to reach you before I set off. I only arrived late last night by army escort. This was the only place we hadn’t sold in the divorce, and I’d sold my house, so it seemed the only place to go really. I was just about to figure out a rental car, come see you all when I heard you at the door. I would have phoned but you know the bloody reception is patchy out here.”

“Does anyone know you’re here? Charlotte, Dad, Serena, Alex...”

“What does Alex have to do with anything?” Bernie scrunches her face in confusion.

“She’s the one who confirmed it was you. She came to Holby, had something for Serena and a letter for me. From you. Said she wanted to be involved with everything. She told us that you were engaged.” Cam fills in the blanks.

“Engaged? First I’ve heard of it. I haven’t even seen her since she blindsided me and then called it all off, just after I started at Holby. Except...” Something sparks in Bernie’s memory.

“What?” Cam prompts.

“At the field hospital. I thought it was just a dream. They had given me some pretty strong painkillers. I was in and out of it for a bit. She must have really been there. I assumed I’d just imagined it. But why would she show up and then disappear, go to Holby of all places? None of this makes any sense.”

“She had your letter and something you’d wanted Serena to have.” Cam explains.

“My journal.” Bernie confirms. “I’d wanted Serena to get it if anything were to happen to me, I wrote it for her really. Alex must have taken them from my personal affects at the field hospital. I haven’t gone through my bags, so I didn’t know anything was missing. It would have been glaringly obvious who they were meant for. And then she brought them to you... Told you I hadn’t made it...”

“But why, Mum? You said yourself, that doesn’t make sense.” Cam counters.

“That I don’t know.” Bernie shrugs, it didn’t seem to matter anyway. “Shall we go see your sister and your father? Let them know I’m alright. Is Serena ok?” Bernie could never help but smile when she said the other woman’s name. Even now. She hated the thought that all this might have hurt her, raked up grief from losing Elinor. Part of her, a selfish part, also thought that maybe if Serena felt any sorrow at her supposed demise, that there was still a glimmer of hope. She knew full well that such thoughts were foolish. Bernie shakes her head to banish them. No point dredging it all up again. Serena was more than clear what her feelings were all those months ago.

“She seemed fine initially.” Bernie’s heart sinks and she feels her stomach churn. Serena didn’t care that she could be dead. After everything they’d meant to each other. She’d never felt heartache like this before in her life. “Then, the day after the memorial, she suddenly crumbled. Like maybe the shock had been numbing everything and it all kind of hit her all at once. Alex didn’t help of course. She was being so creepy. Flirting with Serena, holding her hand, telling her these stories about the two of you together. That she was the love of your life. Kissing her on the cheek in Serena’s car. I mean, Serena said nothing more happened. Swore blind to it actually. It was like Alex could sense her vulnerability and was using it to her advantage.” Cam can still feel his heckles rise just remembering it all. “But to what end?”

“I guess we’ll never know.” Bernie gives him one more tight squeeze before she sets about getting things organized to leave.

“There is a way to find out.” Cam feels a plan forming in his mind.

“Oh really?” Bernie crosses her arms and studies her boy, eyes narrowing at the thought of what he might be concocting.

“Alex was in an accident on the way to the airport. She’s still on AAU.” Cam smirks at his own cunning.

“Will Serena be there?” The blonde's bravado falters as she worries her hands together, not sure she was quite ready to see her again.

“Well, she had decided to take compassionate leave. I did the same, that’s why I’m here. I’m not sure if she left at the same time as me, or if her leave maybe doesn’t start until they can find cover.” He could see his mum’s love for the other consultant still written in the soft expression she was wearing.

“Was Alex badly hurt?” Bernie had no residual feelings for the brunette, but that didn’t equate to wishing her harm.

“The surgery was touch and go but she’s fine now.” Cam assures her.

“I don’t know, Cam. Does it really make a difference why she did it?” Bernie had mellowed since a bomb in the field had almost taken her life. For a second time no less. Some things just weren’t important anymore.

“You’ll want to see Serena, surely? She needs to know that you’re alive.” Cam challenges her.

“Um... I....” Bernie flounders and then relents. “Yes, yes of course. Let me just organise us a car and then we’ll go. Do you have a signal up here?”

Cam nods and passes over his phone. They’d have to walk into town to pick up the rental car, but they could be in Holby again in no time. Once that’s sorted, he helps his mum gather up her luggage and carries some of it for her along with his rucksack.

“No expense spared I see.” Cam whistles when he sees the slick convertible his mother had arranged.

“It was all they had left at such short notice.” Bernie looks tentatively up to the sky, hoping the weather might hold long enough to keep the top down. She fires their bags into the boot and jumps into the driver’s seat next to Cam.

“Ready?” The young man squeezes her hand to reassure her, still completely amazed that he could reach out and touch her at all.

“Yep.” Bernie turns to him and her expression suggests that she’s far from it. She pushes her anxiety away and starts the engine. Best to get this over with...

They chat amiably about how his stint on AAU is going and everything Bernie had missed from her time in the field. She tells him of all the far flung places she visited when she had time off. He’d read about most of it in her emails, but he doesn’t mention it. It’s just incredible to hear the unique timbre of the voice he hadn't even known he’d missed this much.

When they stop off to see Charlie and Marcus, Bernie is almost pushed off her feet by the force of her daughter’s hug as she lunges into her mum’s embrace. She can see Marcus crying (actually crying!) behind the young woman. She suggests that it might be best if Cam waits with them here until she’s spoken to Serena and Alex. He tries to argue, but a knowing look from Bernie quiets him.

“I’ll come back and then what’s say the 3 of us go off and have dinner somewhere?” She looks between the beautiful faces of her children, whose response is to crush her with more hugging. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes' then?” She chuckles lightly, before kissing them both and telling them how much she loves them. She even gives Marcus a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, thanking him for always looking out for the kids.

“Drive safely.” The weight of Cam's words is not lost on any of them as Bernie nods solemnly. She blows them both one more kiss each and then sets off.

On the drive back to Holby, Bernie considers what her next move will be. She wants to stay close to the kids now and she could easily settle down on the way to retirement in a few short years. The world was her oyster, but all she wanted was to find home. As she pulls into the car park, she knows exactly what she’s going to do.

She takes a final steadying breath and prepares for coming back from the dead in the most spectacular fashion. As she walks the familiar path to AAU she is lucky not to encounter anyone who recognises her, no need to induce any cardiac arrests in staff members. Approaching the consultants office she braces herself and knocks more firmly on the door than she intended to.

“Whoever you are, you know I’m about to leave. Can’t this wait for Mr Griffin?” Serena was more than ready for today to be over. She wipes at her tears to hide the fact that she’s been sobbing in her office alone. No need to be the talk of the hospital, grieving for the woman you let walk away after one monumental mistake after another.

Bernie can hear the strain of emotion in Serena’s voice and her heart breaks a little. Before she gets a chance to open the door, Alex calls out to her from the open door of her side room.

“Bernie! Bernie, I need to speak to you. Please.” The brunette tries to lift herself up in the bed, but the pain makes her wince and give up.

Serena’s head snaps up towards the door. Did someone just say Bernie's name? She stands up and moves out into the ward, scanning for the source of the noise. A mop of tousled blonde curls catches her eye and she all but sprints towards it. It couldn’t be her... Heading towards Alex’s room. She knows from the way the woman walks that it’s Bernie and speeds up.

“Bernie. Oh my God, is it you? Bernie!” She reaches the blonde just as she turns at the sound of her voice.

“Serena...” She still says her name the way she always did, soft and sweet, like it was the most precious word in the world.

“Bernie.” Serena grabs hold of her and wraps her arms around her in the fiercest hug possible. “You’re alive.” Serena is crying in earnest again as she clings to her, as if she's scared to ever let her go again.

“It’s ok. I’m ok. Everything’s ok.” Bernie strokes her hair and tries to soothe her. “If it makes you feel any better, Cam had much the same reaction.”

Serena laughs in spite of herself and pulls back to look at the blonde’s beautiful face. “What happened? They told us you were... dead.” She breaks down again on that last word. “But you aren’t. You’re not.” She could scarcely believe it, even though the woman was standing right in front of her.

Bernie gives her the clip notes version as she holds Serena until she feels a bit steadier.

“Sorry.” Serena swipes at the obvious wet patch her tears had left on the other woman’s shoulder.

“Don’t be.” Bernie smiles and wipes at some of the tears with the pad of her thumb.

“Bernie?” Alex’s voice breaks the spell and the two women move apart.

“Ah, yes. I’d better leave you to your fiancée. I’m just so glad you’re ok.” Serena hugs her close again.

“Actually, that’s why I’m here.” Bernie turns towards the woman in the bed. “What’s all this about us being engaged? Better yet, why would you let everyone think that I was dead?” Her voice rises ever so slightly, most people wouldn’t even notice, but Serena can tell that she’s furious. The anger radiates off her in waves.

“You knew?” The impact of Bernie’s words hits Serena like a brick wall. She stares accusingly at the brunette. “You knew she wasn’t dead and you let us all think -" Her temper breaks at what Alex had done, manipulating them all. Manipulating her. She starts to march towards the bed and Alex physically shrinks away from the approaching figure.

“Serena.” Bernie holds her back slightly. “Could you let me handle this?” Serena isn’t for backing down, but Bernie holds firm. “Please.” Her eyes beseech the other woman’s until Serena deflates and nods her acquiescence.

“I’ll be in the office if you need me.” She can’t help cupping the blonde’s cheek in her hand and looking at her like she’s an oasis in the desert. Bernie’s heart soars at the touch. She kisses Bernie’s cheek and the blonde can’t help breathing in all the scents that make Serena.

“I’ll come see you when I’m done here.” Bernie promises and returns the kiss to Serena’s cheek.

“I'd like that.” Serena smiles properly for the first time since all this awful ordeal started.

Bernie watches her leave with a small, fond smile and then turns to the task at hand.

“I can explain.” Alex at least has the conscience to look mortified.

“I can’t wait to hear this.” Bernie closes the door behind her and waits for the other woman to start talking.


	2. Chapter 2

“I was doing a stint with Médecins Sans Frontières a while back...” Alex begins her tale. “... there was this woman who worked as one of the admin staff. She was cosying up to all the other doctors, you know? Asking all these strange questions about procedures, and a few times I found her in the scrub area practicing sutures and the more basic stuff on the anatomy dolls. Said she was applying for medical school and thought she’d get a head start.”

“Ok...” Bernie wasn’t sure where this was heading. “And you and her were...”

“Nothing like that. I mean she tried it on with me once and I just turned her down. She can’t be more than early 30s anyway.” Alex continues. “So, one night in the mess hall, she’s showing me some random photos on her phone. And one catches my eye. It’s of you and who I then found out was Serena. Her interest picked up when she realized that I knew you, she fired all these questions at me.”

“Why would she be asking questions about me?” Bernie couldn’t see any connection, she hadn’t worked with Médecins Sans Frontières in years, so there was little chance she knew the girl.

“Not you.” Alex explains. “Serena.”

Bernie’s blood runs cold at the brunette’s revelation. Was Serena in danger? “What kind of questions?”

“Anything I could tell her really. All I knew was that the last place I’d see you was here at Holby and that Serena must work there with you.” Alex and she hadn’t kept in touch after Bernie had stayed in the UK.

“What’s this girl’s name? Who is she?” Bernie still didn’t see what all this meant.

“Lisa Jones.”

The name didn’t ring any bells for the blonde. “What does she look like?” Maybe a description would shed some light. 

“Hang on, have you seen my belongings? I need my phone. There was a group photo of all of us. It could still be there.” Alex rifles through her holdall until she finds it. She flicks past all of the other images until she finds the right one. “Here, that’s her.” She turns the screen so Bernie can see too and swipes her fingers over the photo to zoom in on the girl.

Bernie studies the young woman’s face. It was a bit grainy and her hair was different, longer, but there’s no doubting it was her. “Her name isn’t Lisa Jones. Or maybe it is. I know her as Dr Leah Faulkner. She was Serena’s F1 about six months ago.” 

“She was here?” Alex looks shocked. “Did anything happen? I didn’t know how she knew Serena straight away, just that she was really pissed off.”

“They slept together.” Bernie feels sick just remembering it all. “Serena was lonely, I was in Nairobi...” She didn’t need to join anymore dots, Alex gets the picture.

“She did seem set on ruining Serena.” Alex turns her head, ashamed that she had helped her do it.

“What did you mean when you said you didn’t know how she knew Serena straight away?” Bernie realises the implications of that. “Did she tell you what made her so fixated on her?”

Alex nods slowly, no point leaving anything out now. “She kept this photo of her as a little girl taped to her locker. She showed everyone, said it was of her and her mum. There was a car accident one night, heavy rain and her mum lost control of her car. She was brought in to an ED with Lisa or Leah or whatever her name is. She wasn’t badly hurt, but her mum was. There was a young trainee vascular surgeon on duty that night...”

“Serena.” Bernie assumes correctly as Alex confirms it.

“I don’t know the ins and outs, but she seemed to think that Serena had made a mistake of some kind. She had spoken to the girl, promised that her mum was going to be ok. Then her mum didn’t come back from theatre. She was about 4 years old.”

“She blames Serena for her mother’s death.” The girl had sought Serena out somehow, and enacted her revenge.

“That’s not everything.” Alex was almost afraid to say anymore. “She isn’t a doctor, Bernie. She never went to medical school. It was all a ruse to get close to Serena.”

“Jesus, Alex. Why didn’t you tell me? Or the police? She treated patients for God’s sake!!” Bernie puts her face in her hand.

“I didn’t know that until she found me again a couple of weeks ago. I should have phoned the police, I should have done so many things differently. I just wanted to keep everyone safe.” Alex’s eyes shimmer with tears.

“What do you mean?” Bernie sits bolt upright in her chair, every cell in her body suddenly on high alert.

“She knew all about Serena and some nephew of hers. Knew that he was married, that they have a young baby girl. I didn’t know that the reason she knew all that was because she’d worked here. She knew about your kids too. She’s insane, Bern. She said if I didn’t do what she asked, that something could happen to them. I thought it would be over if I just did what she wanted.”

“What did she ask you to do?” Bernie thought she had at least some idea.

“She knew that you’d been in that bomb. Somehow. I don’t know how she found out. She told me that I had to convince everyone, especially Serena, that you were dead. Do whatever I could to sell it, she said. I guess breaking you up wasn’t enough...” Alex looks contrite. “I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“You came to the field hospital? I thought I’d just imagined it but you were there.” Bernie already knew the answer.

“I needed something to make it believable. I found your letters to the kids and the journal. I told the staff that I would let your loved ones know that you were fine, that they didn’t need to send word.” Alex is beyond ashamed of her actions.

“And I scuppered everything by surviving, huh? Showing up here alive.” Bernie sees red. “How could you let them all think I was dead?!”

“What choice did I have?” Alex pleads.

“Where is she now? What’s the next part of the plan now that I’m back unharmed?” Fear floods the blonde as she considers all the people Leah could hurt. Or worse.

“She won't be an issue anymore.” Alex seems certain and when Bernie’s eyebrows raise in question she continues. “I saw sense when I spent some time with Serena. She loves you very much, and I couldn’t let anything bad happen to any of you. I called the police earlier. They have Leah or Lisa in custody. I was able to send them files that I’d kept of contact with her, and I managed to record some of our conversations.”

“Are you in trouble too?”

“No, because I gave them everything I could, they’ve just given me a slap on the wrist. No criminal record and technically I’ll be the prosecution’s witness.” Alex was glad that she had been able to put some of it right and no one was hurt. “I’m so sorry, Bernie. I can’t say it enough. I know I can never make it up to you or Serena.”

“You did the right thing in the end. That’s the most important thing.” Bernie squeezes the brunette’s hand in thanks.

“I never wanted any of you to get hurt. I swear, if I’d thought there was another way...”

“I know, Alex.” Bernie knew there wasn’t a malicious bone in the other woman’s body.

“Serena seems great.” Alex smiles a little. “She adores you. Don’t let that little scrawny, pixie demon keep you apart.”

Bernie chuckles at Alex’s description of the girl. “I don’t know, that’s not why we broke up believe it or not.”

“Talk to her.” Alex winks at her as encouragement.

“Maybe.” Bernie wasn’t making any promises. “I guess she at least needs to know about all this.” She stands to go back to the office and explain all of it to Serena.

“Take care, Bern. You deserve to be happy.”

“You too, Alex.” She gives the brunette a quick, gentle hug and wishes her well. “Don’t be a stranger.” Bernie offers that final olive branch and heads out of the side room.

As she walks back to see Serena, she decides to make one little detour first...

“Hey.” Bernie knocks and peeks her head round the door of Serena’s office once she’s done what she needed to.

“Hello you.” Serena still couldn’t quite believe that Bernie was really here.

“Can I come in a sec?” Bernie looks a little out of place, considering this had been their shared office not so very long ago.

“Of course. Pull up a pew.” Serena signals to the couch and then sits down on it next to her. They weren’t as close together as they might have once sat, and they both shift in their seats as the silence starts to become uncomfortable.

“I... uh..."

“I’m so...”

After a while they both try to speak at the same time, and gesture to the other to go first with a awkward laugh.

Bernie decides to say her piece first. She tells Serena everything about Leah and the other woman listens wide eyed and open mouthed.

Serena remembers the case, but she also recalls that she wasn’t even the one who operated on Leah’s mum. She’d been called away at the last minute to another patient. Leah had wasted all of these years hating her for nothing. There is a twinge of regret that she had made a promise to the girl that she never should have. First rule of talking to family members: you can’t know how things will turn out even in what seem to be the simplest, most routine cases.

“She was a very bitter, damaged young woman who held a dangerous grudge. It wasn’t your fault, Serena.” Bernie reaches for her hand and holds it tight.

“Sleeping with her was, though. How could I have been so stupid? Silly old fool. Flattered by the attention of a younger woman and a pretty face. I didn’t exactly make it difficult for her.” Serena’s face burns with shame and guilt. “It doesn’t excuse my behaviour. She didn’t force me to do it. I am so unbelievably sorry and I know what I did is unforgivable. I became someone I don’t recognise. Someone I don’t even like. I’m not proud of what I did.”

“Let’s not dwell on the past, eh?” Bernie wears that small, shy smile she had that day in theatre where they’d shared their first kiss and Serena feels her heart fit to burst. “One benefit of not being dead is that it’s given me a chance to re-evaluate things. What I want from the rest of my life.”

“Oh?” Serena poses the question with her eyes.

“I spoke to Connie just now to see if the spot in the ED is still available.” She tries to read the other woman’s reaction.

“And?” Serena glances over at the blonde.

“She seems to think it should be fine. Could do with a spare pair of experienced hands. If not, there are other hospitals nearby.” Bernie shrugs. “I’m not going to leave the kids again. I don’t like to admit it, but I’m getting too old to be getting blown up every time I go back to the field. I want to make up for all the time I’ve missed with them. At the grand old age of 54, I’m ready to put down proper roots. I want to settle somewhere. Here. I want to settle here. I just think the time has come to settle down.”

“Bernie -" Serena starts to respond.

“Oh no. No. Serena, it’s ok. I didn’t mean...” Bernie gestures between them. “...us. I know you don’t want that and I totally respect that. We both need to move on. It would be nice to have someone to come home to, to fall in love again.”

Serena nods her head, but she can’t help the stab of pain in her heart that Bernie clearly meant with someone else.

“Although, if we are going to be working in the same hospital again...” Bernie looks over at Serena from behind that fringe of hers, that just makes Serena want to sweep it away with her fingers. But she doesn’t do that. “...I had hoped that we might be friends again. I’ve missed you. When I was stuck under all that rubble, there was only one thing I could think about. That was you, Serena...” Bernie seems to realise what she’s accidentally implied and hastily adds. “...and my kids, of course. Anyway, what had you been about to say earlier?” Bernie fixes her with a look that still makes her insides melt.

“Oh...I...uh...” Serena has to think on her feet to cover what she’d really wanted to say “....just that I’m so glad you’re alive and well. I’ve missed you too. I’d love it if we could be friends.” The words stick in her throat, but she knew that after everything, Bernie deserved a chance at a happy ending. Even if she wasn’t part of it. “Come here, you.” Serena hugs her as if her life depended on it, trying not to let the blonde see that she was close to tears. “I love you.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud and she stiffens in Bernie’s arms, cursing herself for not just keeping quiet.

Bernie pulls them apart a bit until their noses are just touching. "What did you just say?” She lets her eyes flit down to Serena’s mouth, just for a fleeting second, but when she looks back up into her eyes again she knows Serena saw it. “Serena...”

Whatever she had wanted to say is lost as Serena closes the gap, kissing her softly and shocking them both. She pulls back momentarily, worried that she’s overstepped the mark.

“Oh God, Bernie. I’m so sorry. Here you are telling me you want to move on and I’m throwing myself at you." Serena puts her head in her hands and groans at her own foolishness. “Just go. Please. Before I make an even bigger fool of myself.”

“You’re not a fool, Serena. I’ve never stopped loving you. Not for a single second. I just think that sometimes that’s not enough.” Bernie stands and slips quietly out, leaving Serena to contemplate what she’d just said.

If Bernie still loved her and she knew she loved Bernie, then she had something now she hadn’t a few moments ago. Hope...


	3. Chapter 3

Over the next few months they seem to somehow tentatively relearn the steps of this friendship dance they were once so comfortable with. They falter and stumble and trample on toes more than they used to, but they convince themselves that it’s fine, because at least they are in each other’s lives again. Although, they’re not as in sync as they once were, and it saddens them both that they may never be.

Still, they have fallen into a pattern which bears some semblance of normalcy and spending time together again, even as friends, is better than nothing.

After all of Bernie’s talk of moving on and finding love again, Serena has to admit there is a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach whenever she receives any female attention. She wishes unspeakable pain on the agency scrub nurse who asks Bernie out for drinks after work, then instantly chides herself for being a jealous idiot. The relief that floods her when Bernie gently turns down the invitation arguably makes her feel worse. Why shouldn’t Bernie go on dates with other women? It’s not like she had any intention of dating Serena again.

Irony seems to know no bounds, however, when it is actually Serena who has to dip her toes in water again first. And it’s all Fleur's fault...

She is having lunch with Bernie and they are pretending to be friends as usual, when the other consultant spots them.

“Cooee!” Fleur calls out with a little wiggle of her fingers wave and sashays over to their table, plonking herself down totally uninvited. “Serena, I have a date this evening with a rather charming lady who just happens to have a friend -"

“No.” Serena points an accusatory finger at the redhead. “No.” She reiterates, not that Fleur will take a blind bit of notice.

“Oh c’mon, Serena!” Fleur’s whining attracts far too much attention for Serena’s liking.

“Still no, Fleur.” She tries to stand firm. 

“Pleeeeeeease.” Fleur bats her eyelashes, thinking the other woman can’t hold out forever.

“I know, I just know I am going to regret this...” Serena startles slightly when Fleur squeals with glee and wraps her arms around Serena’s neck.

“We’re going to have so much fun!” Fleur assures her, but Serena looks unconvinced. “Albie's 7.30pm, and then who knows?” Fleur winks and saunters off the way she came.

Serena rubs at her face with her hand wondering what she’s let herself in for. “I’ll just cancel later. Jason needs a babysitter anyway.”

“I could watch Gwen, if you want to head out?” Bernie kindly offers. She loved the couple and the little girl was so adorable, no trouble at all.

“I'd be home by 8pm – 8.30pm. Just show my face. I could bring some takeaway and a bottle of wine back for us.” Serena would much rather spend the evening with Bernie, even if it was just as friends.

“There really is no hurry, I’m happy to -"

“Bernie, I’ll be home early.” Serena promises and the blonde nods.

Serena passes herself for the shortest amount of time possible without being rude, then rushes off to get everything and bring it back to the house. It’s barely even 8.15pm when she comes through the door.

“She’s fast asleep.” Bernie whispers and signals to the baby monitor, they can both hear the little one babbling a little as she dreams.

“She adores her Great Auntie Bernie.” Serena smiles and thinks she’s not the only one. She was so glad that Jason was still close to the blonde, thinking of her as family. “I got us the usual from the Chinese restaurant in town and a nice bottle of Shiraz.” She heads into the kitchen to start dishing up and Bernie follows suit.

“How was it?” Bernie asks and when Serena looks puzzled she clarifies. “Your date with Fleur’s friend or whatever.”

“I’d hardly even call it a date. She was nice enough, but I didn’t feel any sort of spark, you know?” She busies herself grabbing plates and uncorking the wine. “I’m sure if I know Fleur, there will be others.” Serena rolls her eyes and tuts.

“No spark, huh?” Bernie reaches past her to lift down the wine glasses from the top shelf, and Serena has to grab onto the worktop to brace herself for the sudden proximity. They hadn’t even had any wine yet and her body was on fire. How would she survive the entire evening?

“None.” The word slips out on the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding in. She closes her eyes to try to centre herself, but her head swims from even just this slight contact.

“Serena?” When she opens them again, Bernie is watching her, her forehead crinkled with worry. “Are you ok?”

Unthinkingly, she strokes at a stray strand of blonde hair and tucks it behind Bernie’s ear. “I’m fine. Just a little tired is all.”

“I can go if you want to get some rest.”

“No! You can’t go yet.” She hadn’t meant to say it with such force and lamely adds. “Someone has to help me eat all this food.”

“If you’re sure.” Bernie was never one to pass up a good meal.

“Hm.” Serena hums her consent.

They settle together on the couch with their food and their wine. Serena has something soft and smooth playing in the background and they just chat like they’d done countless times before.

“How about you? Been on any dates lately?” Serena has no idea why she asks that. Morbid curiosity and a smidge of smouldering jealousy it seems.

“There is someone. I haven’t asked her yet though.” Bernie flushes and concentrates on her plate.

“What are you waiting for?” Serena almost chokes on the question.

“Not sure she’ll say yes.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” Serena thinks this woman would have to be crazy to turn Bernie down.

“She’s a work colleague. A friend.” Bernie explains.

“Someone at the hospital?” Serena would hunt down the culprit and make her suffer.

“Yeah.” Bernie looks up at her all bashful and just so Bernie-like.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try. More rice?” Serena needs to get up, needs to get away from this conversation. Needs to be somewhere else so Bernie won’t see she’s about to cry.

“Serena.” She pauses when the blonde says her name, turns her head back a little, but can’t bring herself to look at the other woman. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Whatever Serena had been expecting it wasn’t that.

“Me?” She turns fully towards Bernie now, can’t stop the tears from falling.

“It was that kiss, you see. I can’t stop thinking about it. I miss you and I thought maybe we could start over. I know it’s selfish of me, but I’ve been sitting here thinking about you out on a date with someone else tonight -"

“It was never a real date, Bernie.” Serena moves towards her and takes her face in both hands, and makes her look at her. “I’m not interested in anyone else."

“I want you. I’ve only ever wanted you.” Bernie has tears in her own eyes now. She kisses the woman in her arms gently, as if she make break or disappear, scarcely allowing herself to believe any of this is happening. When the kissing starts to get more intense, Bernie pulls away and Serena looks crestfallen. Had the blonde changed her mind already?

"I want to do this properly.” She runs the back of her fingers down Serena’s cheek. “Go on dates, take our time, get to know each other again.”

Serena nods in agreement, that seemed more than fair. There was no rush. “I swear I will never hurt you again.” Bernie can see that she means that.

“Let’s just draw a veil over all that.” Serena remembers a time when she’d said exactly the same thing and smiles up at the other woman, before pulling her in to capture her lips again. When they move apart again Bernie can’t resist asking. “How’s that for a spark?”

Serena looks gorgeous, lips darker and slightly swollen from all the kissing, hair a little messy where Bernie had run her fingers through it. Her eyes are impossibly dark and her smile lights up the room as she replies. 

“Absolutely incredible.” She tugs on the edges of the collar of Bernie’s shirt to initiate more kissing.

They stay like that for an indeterminate amount of time before the blonde has to break away. She was getting much too turned on and needed to stop this before it went too far. “I should go.”

“Do you want to?” Serena’s eye flit over the blonde’s face.

“No.” They both chuckle at Bernie’s honesty.

“It’s ok. Taking it slow. We can do that.” Serena knows how important this is to the other woman. “So where are we going on our first date?”

“Um...” Bernie has to try to steady her breathing and her heart is threatening to beat out of her chest. She was undeniably keyed up from kissing Serena again after all this time. “...we could go for dinner?”

“Sounds perfect.” Serena moves up on her tiptoes to kiss the tip of Bernie’s nose.

“How about Friday night?” Bernie continues.

“I’m free if you are.” Serena grins from ear to ear.

“Say 8pm?” Bernie returns the grin.

“I can’t wait.” Serena starts to clear up the dishes and Bernie helps.

“I’ll book us a table. Make it a surprise.” Bernie formulates a plan.

“Dressy or casual?”

“You’d look good in an old sack.” Bernie slips her arms around the other woman’s waist and pecks her on the cheek. “Whatever you feel comfortable in.”

“Are you going to be wearing those sinful skinny jeans that mean I keep staring at your glorious backside. Those things drive me to distraction.” Serena giggles and pinches said backside for good measures.

“I am now!” Bernie winks and presses her forehead to Serena’s. The easy, flirty banter puts them both at ease. “I’ll pick you up on Friday.” She kisses the spot she’d just been leaning against on Serena’s forehead and they walk to the front door.

“You don’t have a car.” Serena reminds her.

“Taxi?” Bernie tries again. “I have to get a new car.”

“But all that walking to and from work has done wonders.” Serena quirks an eyebrow and appreciatively studies the toned figure of the woman in front of her. “I’ll see you on Friday.” She has to force herself to brush one final kiss to Bernie’s lips and turn her towards the open door, watching her walk to the corner of the street and waving her off.

The Friday evening finds both women standing in front of their respective bedroom mirrors, fretting about if they look ok. Bernie was wearing the skinny jeans, as promised, with her ankle boots and a button-up shirt in a dark green colour and a blazer. Maybe it was too casual?

Serena had opted for an off the shoulder plain black dress, which fell to just below her knee. She paired it with charcoal court shoes and jacket. Was it too much? She hadn’t been this nervous for a date since she was a teenager.

Serena is just applying her lipstick when she hears the taxi beep its horn. She finishes up and checks she has everything in her clutch bag, heading downstairs just as the blonde rings the doorbell.

“Hi.” Bernie smiles and shuffles from foot to foot on the doorstep. She runs a self-conscious hand through her untameable locks.

“Hello.” Serena drinks in all of Bernie and has to admit that she is simply gorgeous. “You look amazing.” She smiles softly and steps out of the house, doing a final check that she has her keys before closing the door behind her.

“You look beautiful too. Always do.” Bernie glances shyly over to the woman beside her as they head towards the cab. She did look stunning.

“Is it still a surprise or am I allowed to know where we’re going?” Serena whispers conspiratorially to the blonde when they are settled in the back of the car.

“All in good time, Fraulein.” Bernie teases and places her hand on Serena’s knee.

It turns out that Bernie had booked a quiet corner booth at a tapas restaurant on the outskirts of Holby.

“Is this ok?” Bernie starts to worry that she’s made the wrong choice.

“It’s lovely.” Serena reassures her. “As long as you’re here...” She places her hand over Bernie’s and squeezes it to show that this was already more than perfect.

“There’s a nice little wine and jazz bar across the way if you fancy it afterwards?” Bernie studies the menu, stealing quick glances at Serena over the top. That dress was showing just enough flesh to entice her to want to find out what was underneath.

“Eyes up, soldier!” Serena catches her and she laughs heartily when Bernie flushes furiously. “I think you’re sitting much too far away to appreciate the view properly.” She slinks around to sit next to Bernie, relishing the warmth and closeness of her body. “Much better.” She breathes her approval into the blonde’s ear and Bernie swoons. “I think that the bar sounds great. Shall we order some rioja, get this fiesta started?!” Serena signals to a waiter and they place their orders.

They eat, drink, chat, laugh and thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. As ‘first’ dates go it was a roaring success. Bellies and hearts full, they dander over to the bar. Serena gives her hand easily when Bernie reaches down to hold it and they walk the rest of the way hands entwined. Even when they get inside, they are reluctant to let go if they don’t have to.

After they have had a few glasses of wine and Serena has tried to make Bernie a jazz fan (not happening!), the blonde offers to walk Serena home. It’s a clear, warm evening and they are happy to take their time and put off having to say goodnight for as long as possible. Their fingers interlinked tightly as they walk, huddled close together and talking about how much they were enjoying themselves.

When they reach Serena’s front door there is a palpable sense of disappointment that the evening is over. Neither wanted to be the first to say goodbye.

“Will there be a second date?” Serena asks after some time, mustering up all her courage, desperately hoping that the answer is ‘yes.’

“Would you like there to be?” Bernie stares deep into the other woman’s eyes, trying and failing miserably not to get lost in them.

“Very much.” Serena replies with complete sincerity. “You?” She looks a little unsure of Bernie’s reply and the blonde’s only answer is to kiss the worry off her face. Soft, light kisses scattered all over those beautiful features, until the lines of anxiety become a bright smile. Then she proceeds to kiss that away too.

When they come up for air, both are grinning and breathless, hearts beating wildly and full of pure joy.

“Do you have to head home?” Serena is clinging to the lapels of the blonde’s blazer, not wanting to let her go. Her meaning quite plain, if the sudden darkness in her eyes was anything to go by.

“I am home.” Bernie states simply and lets the other woman take her by the hand and lead them inside.


End file.
